MA’M VERSUS MACHINE

Well it’s the beginning of spring, and time to mow the lawn again. OK, so I go into the garage and walk over to the mower, hit the button that’s supposed to automatically start the mower. Well it coughs and coughs and coughs. So of course…being the mechanic that I am, albeit a Norwegian mechanic, I press the button once again…..Nada…(that’s Spanish for “nothing”…One of eight words and phrases I remember from Spanish class when I was in high school.)

My next move was a masterful approach. I checked to see if there was enough gas. There wasn’t, so I filled it up. Now I’m pretty sure it’s going to start…..NADA.

At this point I did the only smart thing a man can do when he gets in this situation. “Pam, Pam, Pam…. Could you come here for a minute?!!!!!” Moments later, my wife appeared in the garage and repeated a very familiar phrase I hear from her so often, “Now what have you done?”

I explained my dilemma to her and how careful’d I’d been to make sure everything was in order. She quickly responded with another phrase I’ve heard her say many times….”I’ll bet“.

“Did you charge it?” she asked. It’s been sitting all winter.” “Did I CHARGE it?”…I responded emphatically. “Well…of course I..uh…yah…well uh maybe not so much….”Well” she questioned…“What is maybe not so much? A short time not so much? ..Just how much not so much, is not so much?” Now she’s putting me through some changes and just flat wearing me out…Then came my feeble admission…”Well maybe not at all, not so much”. With Pam being a former Catholic and all, I felt I’d just been in a confessional with a priest!!!

Well, we had to wait till the mower charged overnight, but I finally had everything under control. Confident that the mower would start right up this time, I hit the button once again. NADA!!! “Pam, Pam, Pam…. Could you come here for a minute?!!!!!”I heard her open the door to the garage. She already knew the reason she was summoned.

Did you check the gas?“ I responded in the affirmative. “Did you check the oil? “Yup”, I answered proudly..”I filled it to the very top.” At that, she went manic!!! “You filled it to the TOP?”It was at this point I sensed maybe this wasn’t exactly a beacon of grease monkey brilliance…. “not so much.” Pam enlightened me on why there is an oil stick, what it was for and why you don’t fill it to the top. I’m thinkin’..“Oil stick? Who knew…(obviously everybody…except me). I knew they had one for a car, but I never thought about it for a mower. They call it a dipstick for a car…and come to think of it….that’s just about how I was feeling when she explained all of it to me.

We turned the mower over and poured out the oil to a respectable level. And what do you know….it started right away. Muy bueno. Problem solved. Pam gave me a kiss and whispered in my ear, “don’t touch anything else”.

I didn’t touch anything else…Well maybe ANYthing was a stretch for me… I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I left the freezer open all night when I went out to get some water bottles. Question…If ice cream melts…. is there anyway you can make it look like it hasn’t? I’m just asking for a friend. Cheers!! ❤️