HEADS UP

I’d just come back from picking up some fruit at the grocery store this morning. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, old people can go at 7:00 before it opens at 8:00 for everyone else. So as I’m walking into the store, this employee is standing there, offering a 6-pak of toilet paper. Immediately,’m wondering if maybe he’s sensing I’m going to need this much sooner than I think…or something like that. So to make sure I wasn’t missing anything, I looked around and discreetly checked my pants as a precautionary measure (Boy was I glad Pam made me wear that protective mask and those plastic gloves… you can never be too careful) Thankfully, it was nada…and was I ever relieved (No pun intended).

When I got home, I came into the living room and sat down with Pam. She said, “Hi honey” and looked up at me. All of a sudden she bursts out laughing uncontrollably , and with tears in her eyes says, “Oh boy, Oh my Greg, Oh Oh Oh No” and can’t stop laughing. I don’t know what’s going on, so I ask her..”What’s so funny?” She tries to speak, but starts up again, and can’t get any words out of her mouth. Every time she looks it all begins again.

While her hysterics continue, I start looking at my shirt my shoes and my pants to see if I’ve done something wrong, or spilled something. I wear black most the time because I get tired of her telling me my shirt didn’t match my pants or I was wearing the wrong socks.

Okay..In her defense, I’ve never been in the running as a fashionista, but I can’t help that because I’m color blind…and very regular blind as well. (Is that right? Regular blind?..probably not)

Anyhoo, Pam finally said, “I see you found the cap you were looking for this morning. I had been looking for my Norway cap but I couldn’t find it, so I just grabbed another one. I figured she was probably laughing at the color of my cap. Now I’m getting a little steamed “You are so picky, and you shouldn’t laugh at me just because you don’t think my cap is all color coordinated!”

“Oh honey, I’m not laughing at the color of your cap…and I’m not laughing because you’re wearing a cap…I’m laughing because you’re wearing TWO caps. WHAT?!!!!!!!!

Well, there’s a simple explanation…sorta. Okay, I was wearing my Norway cap, and somehow forgot it was on my head (an understandable oversight) …So I just put another cap on and left for the grocery store. It could happen to the best of us. Maybe.

Well at least the good news is I got my ultra soft 6-pak, and I don’t think I’m old….That’s for old people.