those last times before the end
a blessing of sweet moments
mixed with pangs of sadness
then the funeral
a reception
with kind condolences
fond exchanges
and reminisce
scriptural quotes offered
people meaning well

thankful for friends
the quiet ones who laughed with me
they were simply there
it was a comfort
a relief
then it was time to leave
and so the last goodbyes
and hugs

coming home
a whole week sleeping
very strange for me

back to routine
but I can’t get myself engaged
kinda numb
yet I think I’m okay
I’m okay aren’t I

still tired
Pam says my demeanor looks crabby
I think I know what she means
usually have a lot of ideas
they excite me
but my head is stuck
my eyes hurt

no denial
life and death
it is what it is
I’m good with that
not angry really
God knows what He’s doing
well maybe that depression part
yeah maybe that
something’s different

I tell myself get over it
move on
everyone has troubles
you’re not special
however this keeled over ship
doesn’t seem so easily righted

this well could veer into narcissism
how I truly disdain that quality
I’m just trying to figure things out
and regain my sense of sensibilities
but most of all
writing down what I’m feeling instead of just letting it ruminate in my head

it is a deep thing
deeper than I thought
but I’m ready to move on
really ready
so when does the get over it part happen
this travail of the soul

something’s missing
it’s like something that was there before
isn’t there anymore

of course it’s not my loved one
they’re dust
or returning to it
I guess it’s a bunch of things
subconscious complexities I can’t comprehend
and all so surreptitiously overwhelming
whatever it is
I can’t get back there
you know
to what was normal for me before
it’s somewhere else

it’s disappeared

A poem by Greg Nelson
© 2022 by Poppie’s Hallel
(BMI. Admin. by Amplified Administration)

(Photo shutterstock

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